Undecided Voters Need to Un-undecide

It's time for the PaperSoup staff to get serious for a moment....

The day is fast approaching where you will have to make one of the most important decisions in your life. More important than going to school, getting a job, buying a home, or deciding what should fill that last un-tattooed area on your scrotum. Of course I'm talking about election day on November 2nd. If you didn't know that it was coming up, or that it was on November 2nd, you can just stop reading this article right now and go kill yourself, because you are a worthless.

This year more than ever the presidential election means a world of difference. To help the PaperSoup.com undecided voters, I have devised a test for you to decide which presidential candidate you should choose. Please write down your answers and tabulate your results at the end. (No cheating you bastards)

Presidential Candidate Test:

Question 1:
What is your favorite Cola Drink?
A) Coke
B) Pepsi
C) Generic
D) I don't like cola drinks

Question 2:
Who is your favorite Late Night TV host?
A) Jay Leno
B) David Letterman
C) Conan O'Brian
D) Carson Daly

Question 3:
Grocery Bag Preference
A) Paper
B) Plastic
C) Don't want to be wasteful, I'll carry my groceries
D) I hunt, kill and cook my own food

Question 4:
Favorite Animal
A) Donkey
B) Elephant
C) A cross breed Donkey/Elephant
D) Pig

Question 5:
Do you like the United States of America?
A) Yes
B) No

Question 6:
Do you like terrorists?
A) Yes
B) No

Question 7:
Who would you vote for for president if the election were today?
A) John Kerry
B) George W. Bush
C) Ralph Nader
D) Joe Gibbs (as a write in)

Question 8:
Are you a douchebag?
A) Yes
B) No
C) Not sure

Here is how to calculate your score:

For every answer that you chose "A", give yourself 3 points. For every "B" give yourself 2 points, every "C" is 1 point, and every "D" is 0 points. Add your numbers up multiply that number times 23, divide that by 17, add 6, multiply by 0, and then take your answer for #7 and add the proper number of points for that question. That number is your final points score.

Give yourself a hand for doing such a super job!

To interpret the results:

If your score <= 3, you should vote for John Kerry.
If your score = 4+, you should vote for George W. Bush
If your score = 0, That is good thinking, but Joe Gibbs is busy coaching the Washington Redskins.
If your score < 0, then you must have done something wrong.

If you can't figure out your score, you are most likely too dumb to be voting anyway.

Please feel free to post your results. (click comment below)