Staff Writer's Mom Finds Papersoup Crude; Offensive

Writer's Father a Closeted Fan

Editors Note: to protect the identities of those involved, the subjects' real names will not be used. The staff writer will be known as Jim, the mother as Suzy and the father as Craig. Also, did you notice that you can't say identities without also saying titties? This fact could be useful if you want to talk about someone's titties, but are in a situation where that might be frowned upon. For instance;" Did you see the identities on the bride? Hot Damn!"


Suzy, A local woman and mother of a PaperSoup staff writer was surprised when she finally read the content of the website that her son and his friends had recently been devoting so much time too.

"I was really a little turned off. I didn't think that was his style of humor," commented Suzy on PaperSoup's rather racy material.

When Suzie confronted her son Jim about her issues with the PaperSoup content the next morning, the family's breakfast nook, normally a place of quiet reflection and pancakes, was turned into a no holds barred verbal battlefield.

"I don't mean to discourage you dear, I just don't find that sort of humor funny," said Suzy in response to the glare she was receiving from her son.

"What sort of humor, mom? Funny humor?" retorted Jim.

"You know very well what I mean. That toilet humor that you think is so great," said a visibly agitated Suzy.

Suzy's tone was aggravated enough to get Jim's father Craig to briefly lower his Washington Post to see what the commotion was about before quickly turning back to the Metro section.

"Well, why don't we see what family services has to say about you stifling my creative vision?" said Jim.

Independent sources familiar with the family seemed to believe that this was an idle threat, meant only to provoke Suzy into a more animated reaction. According to the next door neighbors, the ploy worked.

"I carried you for nine months and this is how you repay me? By posting your potty jokes on the web for everyone to read," shouted Suzy, relying on a Jewish mother's time honored shaming tactic.

"That's right mom," replied Jim. "I'm doing all of this just to embarrass you."

"Honey, all I'm saying is that true talent lies in being able to make people laugh without using the potty mouth," said Suzie.

"Mom, f*ck that sh*t!" replied Jim. "F*ck it right in the f*cking ear!
There’s nothing funnier in the world than taints and grundels!"

"I'm not sure what those last two words even mean young man, and I'm sure I don't want to find out!" shouted Suzy.

"Mom, you should be happy. I'm using technology to get my stories out, rather than just writing them on bathroom stall doors like I used too. At least now people have a choice to read my stuff or not. The people taking a sh*t in the stall didn't have that choice, mom! And isn't that what feminism is all about, the ability to make choices?" replied Jim in another obvious ploy to get his mother going. "So I guess when it comes down to it, if you are against PaperSoup, you are against women."

According to neighbors, it was at this point in the argument that Suzy pulled out one of her strongest weapons, guilt.

"You're not making any sense, Jimmy, but I suppose that's my fault. I should never have made you wear your sister's hand-me-downs when you were a little kid. I didn't know that it would affect you in this way," said Suzy, sniffling.

Having successfully turned the argument into a deliberation on her abilities as a mother, Suzy decided to lay down her trump card

"It's not that I'm really mad dear, I'm just disappointed."

Normally, this would have made Jim storm out of the breakfast nook, but he knew, and his mother probably did too, that he had a secret ally in his father Craig.

Jim knew that deep down inside, his dad thinks the Soup is funny. He won't ever tell, though, because he's scared of his wife.

And rightfully so.